i told my-self at an early point that that i wouldn’t post cheesy ass pictures on my tumblr; pictures that have no slight since or artistry, or effort really,.. or that even mean anything. this is to teenagers now what hallmark greeting cards are to the people who are too lazy or uncreative to say or come-up with anything themselves.
but, as much as i would mean “sometimes i just want to hug you for hours.” as i had felt so much so the night before with my girlfriend, i wouldn’t want to fill my blog with such.. such.. eh cheesiness. but i post them anyway, because i know she sees my blog, and i would like to let her know i think such unoriginal thoughts. just as she know i see hers, just as she would like me to think she believes such sweet sayings by posting likewise. i’d rather just embody these images and words, and repeat them or imply such cheesy things in a more personal manner. i wish my tumbler rants were more intellectually sounding and that i had the ability to convey them in much greater writing style. i only know one other person whose words just totally amaze and intrigue me, despite what a horrid friend she had become. i should really stay away from her blog.
i told my self, fuck it, this blog will be private i will post the imagery and songs and videos that has so influenced me and the culture i follow.. implications of sex, violence, and drug abuse would be the worst of it all. i would be as immature as i want to be @ <noneofwhich>. ‘none of which matters’ was the original full title. because really, none of this matters, it would be just a collection of totally border-less topics, uncensored, and free. it would be a collection of interest that aren’t concrete, that will come to pass. now i find myself not even attempting to post anything i even find hilarious that might contain any humor too crude, or anything i find artistic that would have the image of a half naked woman with an amazingly abstracted piece of fashion.. or.. just shit that doesn’t matter.. because.. they’re just things. im not taking part of or practicing it, but they do exist, and i acknowledge this is the undertone at times of the things i see or listen too. but not all the time, geez, im not some sex maniac, as if all my post contained those implications. gosh. but now, that negative implication, however slight, is gone. i rarely cuss even, eventho i totally feel like it. but everyone totally feels like it, but its just a matter of self-control. but letting it out here, is just a blog posting. this was all to be very personal at the start, but now i know people who know me personally will see this, so that causes my self to limit myself on what i should say.
now having that stated; im sure the few who know me personally, and who do look at my blog just scan over the images but will stop at the notice of a huge long block of text, which they will read over to see if any slight mention of them has been made in what would be a “private” blog posting/rant. and i will take such time to do so: For the Christmas season i had planned on actually hand-making cards, they would be “goodbye cards” really even though they would only be enclosed with wishing of a jolly season upon them. they would be made and given to those whom i want to reassure that i care and that thoughts go toward them by simple means of receiving a crappy handmade card by me (the shit i make hand made is totally awesome anyway). The reassurance that i hope i will not be forgetting of them soon would have gone to (and this is in order to whom i feel needs to be reassured the most); Erik, Katrina, Justine R., David, Sam, Ryan, Kristianne, Justine C., Kevin, Daniel, Destiney. Also, as horribly depressing as it is, these are also really great friends (or past) whom i have no plans on seeing ever again after high-school, either because of different college plans or growing distance. And i will miss them (well,.. i dont know that forsure yet). I think only six of those people will see that. and i think only one really will ask me about it. as of tonight there are 105 more school days till graduation. i wouldn’t stop time if i could, but i do want to take my time. im counting down, the future looks bleak and lovely.
Its practically midnight, and i must shower. ugh.. my hair is horribly unkempt, always.
boy, for these last few months, i feel like everything is in place for once. of course.. this picture isnt totally representative of that, but eh. things are in place. and as time heals all wounds, things also wear out in time, some things fall apart.. but rarely.. somethings come closer together; but eventually, all we’ve come know will have passed swiftly before our eyes.
